Where I’m at in my journey

Posted on May 5, 2011. Filed under: Uncategorized |

Currently I’m just over 3 weeks out from my first show, the NPC Camellia championships. This also explains why I haven’t been around here as much. In addition to the working my ass off (literally), my brain is kinda fuzzy for the time being so..this leads to reduced blog posts, locking myself out of my car and staring blankly at my new washing machine trying like hell to remember how to turn the damn thing on.

look ma! I shrank!

So I’ve been riding the PMS train lately with it’s many stops at Sobtown, Bitchville and this whole long stretch filled with nothing but fog. Awesome enough though, NO CRAVINGS this time! This time last month was BRUTAL on me with all the cravings but I’m not really feeling those this time.

I HAVE been tripping on my weight. I ignored friend’s advice and let the scale screw with my head. My BF kept edging down but my weight was dancing up and down a pound every day. bah.

well this am I woke up at 129.5. And my bf dropped a bit again. Which is funny because I didn’t get to do my cardio last night. hubby called me in the middle of my workout freaking out and needing to go to the ER. They’re still adjusting his BP meds and they made him dizzy and when he used his wrist cuff to measure his BP for the 20th time yesterday I think he did it wrong. Either way by the time we got him to the Er it was normal. HOWEVER, he does have bronchitis. So that sucks balls. he was released around midnight and larned another valuable lesson. All meals with me at all times, NO MATTER WHAT. no joke the ONLY protein they had available at the hospital or the shoppette near it was muscle milk light. bleh. But it was better than nothing. I also let myself go back to sleep once the kids were off this am. an extra three horus of sleep helped a great deal. Except the dream I had last night where I showed up at my competition but had forgotten to tan. That was a pretty horrific dream and apparently shows how self concious I am about my lilly white skin. Scarlet O Hara’s mammy would have been proud as hell of my pale ass skin. Too bad it’s no longer the sign of being a lady and now just a sign of being a pasty ass who can’t tan. Makes halloween costumes easy. Just throw some glitter on me and BAM! Vampire. haha.

I think the biggest thing is that in the midst of all this, while stressing on everything, I finally said I cant do this on my own and Gave it all up to God. I really do feel sooo much better and i get hints now and then to keep pushing me. Like the quote I got from the gaspari texts the other am fits my life this week:

Success isn’t a matter of being the best and winning the race. Its a matter of handling the worst and finishing the race.

in conclusion, I can see my abs and that’s what counts. No really! You can see them!  So I think I’m gonna go work on them some more.  It’s plyometrics day so I’m ready to go jump like a cheerleader on crack until i vomit everywhere…lol.  Have a healthy day!


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3 Responses to “Where I’m at in my journey”

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Omg- you look awesome girl! And yes, I can see your abs- they’re looking sweet. Keep up the great work! I can’t wait to see the final results.

take care and see you on twitter.

I was reading your post and stopped dead in my tracks at your comment about “Mammy.” Why would you think Mammy would be proud of your pale skin? Her skin is perfectly acceptable and I highly doubt she would trade her melanin for your lack of it. In reality, Mammy probably had a name, and would have probably hated you, because you probably would have treated her like shit, and kept her away from her OWN damned kids so she could brush your hair and listen to you bitch about how your husband is fucking one of the negro girls when he thinks you’re sleeping….

Get a clue. That comment TOTALLY killed ever wanting to come back to your blog again. EVER. That doesn’t have to mean much to you, but it means a lot to me. Totally unworthy.

You’re an idiot. The “Mammy” portion was in reference to a character in Margaret O’Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind. Specifically a portion in which THE CHARACTER Mammy scolds the character of Scarlett for being in the sun too long, causing freckles to pop on her skin and reminding her of repeated scrub downs with Buttermilk to bleach them out with the insistance that “you can always tell a Lady by her pale skin”. There was nothing racist intended but was instead a commentary on the popularity of practically light reflective skin. As a matter of fact, you know little to nothing of my OWN heritage beyond the lily white skin that came from my irish father or the parentage of my own children. In the future though please feel free to keep your ignorance and ASSumptions to yourself.

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