Haters

Posted on December 30, 2010. Filed under: Ranty |

What is wrong with people today? Why is it so hard to be happy for one another and their accomplishments? Why do we feel the need to make ourselves feel better by being mean to others? Two incidents today reminded me just how hateful and mean people can be, and how easy it is to let their comments drag you into a quagmire of self loathing that could easily derail you.

The first of these incidents occurred this afternoon at the gym. I’m working on my upper body dumbbell circuits and already slightly testy as I’m surrounded by guys. I immediately start getting testy and anxious given some previous bad incidents in gyms with strange men that I can’t really discuss without flying into a rage about Germany’s rather jacked up system for classifying sexual assault cases. Although I guess you can get a vague idea just from that statement. Moving on. I’m doing my darndest to ignore the people around me when I see there’s another woman in the free weight section. Part of me cheers because I’m always happy to find myself not the only person sporting ovaries who isn’t terrified of free weights, and part of me continues to ignore everyone around me while simultaneously remaining vigilant so that I can’t be caught off guard. She see’s me doing overhead presses and asks her companion what I’m doing and what muscles it works, at which point he explains that it works the deltoids and she shouldn’t bother otherwise she’d wind up with beefy shoulders like I have. I would have taken it as a compliment except he said “beefy” like he was saying “mutated and diseased”. Obviously I had somehow offended him by wielding a dumbbell rather than a mop but I laughed anyways and chalked it up to jealousy. He was rather lacking in the deltoid department as it was.

I, being terribly amused by this, share this on my Facebook. I enjoy Facebook, and twitter, and obviously WordPress too. I’m an individual who enjoys expressing my first amendment right to speak my mind. I’m also incredibly proud that my shoulders could be deemed beefy given how hard it was to get the deltoids to grow and knowing several of the women on my friends list are weightlifters and bodybuilder and try constantly to teach other women that lifting weights won’t make you bulky unless you have some inexplicably large amounts of testosterone flowing, I thought they’d get a kick out of it. Which they did. Just my brother-in-law seemed to find fault in this and told me to “get over” myself.

Just a bit of back story, my brother-in-law and I have a very antagonistic relationship. I’m very thin-skinned but have an exorbitant amount of pride so rather than cry (which I usually reserve for when he’s not there to witness it) I toss back some equally mean comment and keep my pride. Once I even made him so mad he hung up on me. (He told me to suck his balls, I told him to grow a pair first.) But this time I just couldnt’ find myself pretending it didn’t bother me. I’m angry. When we went to see them in June we went to Disneyland and he made comments about my weight all day long. He may have seen me cry that time, trying hard to hide in the dark of the train around the park and pretend I was straightening my daughters hair, but there’s a twenty-second video clip of me quietly sobbing when the nerves he struck throbbed a bit. He struck that nerve again. But this time I didn’t hide my tears, and I didn’t pretend it didn’t hurt. I basically told him I didn’t need his crap and I unfriended him and blocked him. The part about him not owning a soul I expect may bite me in the ass sometime but I don’t much care right now.

the point of this long-winded rant about how screwed up people are is…I’m still going back to the gym tomorrow. No matter how bulky jealous stickman from the gym thinks I am, no matter how conceited my brother-in-law thinks I am, I’m going back. Because I deserve it, because I’m proud of myself for doing it. Because I deserve something to be proud of myself for. So if you need to step on someone else to make yourself feel better about your own flaws and shortcomings, look somewhere else. No matter how broad my shoulders may look, I’m not up for bearing your issues too.

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3 Responses to “Haters”

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Good for you! I saw that comment on your FB post and thought he couldn’t possibly be serious. I’m saddened to learn that he was. What an ass.

Bravo! You get haterz when doing things better then the masses that are content with mediocrity.”beefy” hmm would take that over sloppy,slutty and skanky anyday. A man should be elated that his lady would want to be fit and athletic.

Keep doing you!

He probably didn’t. But he has no filter and when you place enough stock in someone else’s opinion, unfiltered comments hurt even more. 😦 If only his vocal cords could shrivel away and die he’d be my favorite person in the world after my husband and kids.


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